Reflection...

We were on our way back from visiting our kids at the orphanage. If I remember right it was our last visit. Of course after each visit there was 3 very silent hours of driving back to ponder, pray, think, worry, pray some more, and praise. The mixed company didn't allow for any real open discussion between Paul and I on the drive...that had to wait until we were back to the hotel. This particular day we were sharing the ipod headphones (one in his ear, one in mine) listening to the new Matthew West cd my friend let me borrow before we left. The weight of the whole situation seemed especially intense to me on the trip home that day. I was dieing to know what my husband was thinking too. My mind began to play through the "what if" scenarios of the journey..."what if it really is as hard as I know it could be?"...

About that time one of Matthew West's songs came on.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SDwZL5zGL8 ...I hadn't heard it before, but God used it to snap me out of my self-focused fear and anxiety and alter my perspective. Again for the millionth time, "Could I trust Him?", "Did I remember that it isn't about me?", "Hadn't He already shown Himself to have a plan bigger than I could have imagined?", "Did I remember what great lengths he went to to redeem me?", "Couldn't He do that with these two precious little lives as well?" As I listened to the words of the song and the Lord began to speak, Paul turned his head to look at me...we held each other's gaze just long enough to share a million unspoken thoughts...and with just a look, I knew God was speaking to him too.
And so... our prayer is that "two broken hearts in the world tonight" would be healed...not because they join our family, but because they come to know the healing power of a relationship with Jesus Christ who indeed has gone to great lengths to redeem us.

Waiting desperately to get my arms back around those precious babies...